My Touhou Story – Part 2

Go to Part 1Go to Part 3 →

I’m having so much fun into writing this, and I hope someone out there is at least smiling while reading these posts. I’m not really sure how many parts there will be, but as long as I will have something to say about my Touhou adventure, I’ll keep writing. Enjoy!

When I opened Touhou 6 the next day, ready to finish it (and by “finish” I mean “beating Remilia without using all my continues), after many tries I was able to reach Sakuya. Then I closed the game. No, really. I finally became aware than everything that moves on the screen can kill you, so I was confident my life would have been a little easier… and then my character froze. Or better, Sakuya stopped time and spammed knives all around my hitbox making me scream like a little girl. Anyway, it was pretty traumatic. I hate knives, in Touhou at least. I honestly hate their hitboxes. Though I got stabbed in the back a lot of times, but in the end I miraculously managed to get to stage 6 and, finally, meeting Remilia. Five seconds after I was dead, like, super dead, so dead I closed Touhou 6 saying “fuck this shit, screw you loli vampire, I’m not going to do this, not today”. Losing all your continues in like 3 minutes is quite dangerous for my mind. So, I decided to open Touhou 7.

Oh, Touhou 7. One of the most smooth games, so relaxing, Or maybe all the training I received on the past Touhous made me a better dodger. Anyway. I thought, I don’t have to become crazy to dodge bullets, I can play it without cursing all the Gods I know, it is so amazing, it is paradise! And stage 3 is amazing! Alice is love! For once, I had the impression she was sane. And by “sane”, I mean “she uses logic”. I felt like there was actually a bit of sense into the game, even if they stole spring which technically you can’t steal, so I couldn’t be helped but feeling relieved. Really, people, you need to steal more seasons if this is the effect on a game, I’m serious! Then you reach stage 4 and it becomes hell. Great. Like, GREAT.  When did fairies become so strong? Then you reach the boss and you realize that everything you’ve seen so far is just the top of the iceberg. There isn’t one stage boss, there are 3 stage bosses. Then you see a not so long cut scene and the fight starts.

There is a moment in your life when you think music is actually your best friend, that music will never betray you, when you’d rather marry music than a person… no, okay, maybe the latter one is a bit extreme, but you get the idea. Then… you realize there’s something worse than knives, and that something worse is what you were loving a second before seeing them punching you again and again, stealing all your precious lives from you: musical notes. This is when I understood why ZUN drinks so much beer.

Somehow I managed to go through it, passing by stage 5 and meeting with Youmu. Oh, Youmu. It’s not that I LOVE you because you use swords, I swear. That’s not the reason. Anyway, if you could be gentle since you have such a beautiful katana, I would be grateful, I mean it. Maybe we can be frien- *slash*. I seriously wanted to cry that moment. I did not see that coming. High speed movements right after everything slows down? No. It can’t be possible. You must be kidding. Anyway, this is where I lost my game, unable to reach the final stage.

Since that day I felt pretty brave, or idiot if you prefer, I wanted to 1CC PCB. I didn’t find it so hard, thanks also to all the “training” already done, so I thought it was a good idea to beat the game with 1CC. Thus, after a lot of trial and errors, many “I was so close” and “this is not fair”, I somehow managed to get through Youmu without using any of my continues and with a decent amount of lives. Stage 6 isn’t particularly hard, except for some random slashes here and there, and Ultimate Truth is… amazing. Anyway, I met Saigyougi… Saigyougy… Saigyou… ou… ou……… I met Yuyuko (who, by the way, I found awesome as a character; I love her “I am the boss here” aura around her) for the *insert a very high number here*, but this time I was prepared. I was on high spirit and I was sure that was the good time to do my first 1CC on normal on a Touhou game. Thus I dodged, and dodged, and bombed, and bombed some more, and felt extremely lucky, and reached her very last spell with no lives.

You know that moment when you’re so close to finish a game, that moment when the whole game flashes before your eyes when you’re just one step away from beating it and then you magically die and your mind becomes blank? Well, it didn’t happened. With no bombs and no lives left, I was able to actually beat Yuyuko and even capture her last spell. I was so happy I think I nearly screamed, then stood up and raised my arms to the sky, feeling as if I had just saved the world. I had the same feeling you have when you work hard on something and then you finally succeed into completing it and you’re so satisfied about the result. That accomplishing feeling was so intense. A few seconds after, I sat back on my chair, ready to enjoy my deserved good ending and…


Remembering the melancholy of human existence
                                                   Even ghosts stray from the path of righteousness

I stared at screen trying to figure out what was going on. Then I saw Yuyuko coming back to life and shooting another spell card in my face. Ten seconds later my chance to 1CC Perfect Cherry Blossom vanished. Have you ever seen that one scene in Nichijou where Yukko accidentally takes a propelling pencil in the wrong way and then the nib sticks through her finger and she screams piercing all the planets in our galaxy? Well, that was also my reaction. And thus, I changed game.

Achievements unlocked today
  • You can relax even on Touhou. Sometime.
  • Hell is right here.
  • You really thought it was going to be THIS easy?
  • Three bosses are better than one.
  • Music, I thought we were friends!
  • Slashhhhhhhhhh
  • Come on, it’s SAIGYOUJI! It’s not that hard!
  • …just when I thought I was victorious.
  • Wait, this is not Nichijou!
  • Y MAD, BRO?!
  • I want a rewind button.

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